"There really isn’t any particular event that could be called a tragedy in my life, yet I’m able to talk about failure because enough events have happened that have caused me months and years of thinking about it.
At 12 years old, my childhood friend publicly rejected me, and I spent the next year and a half eating lunch in a bathroom stall to avoid the cafeteria.
At 16 years old, my first boyfriend dumped me for no reason and triggered another year and a half of feeling alone and lonely.
There have been many other stories in my life with the feelings of failure: losing a job, being really poor, losing another relationship. Every few years something happened in my life to trigger a feeling of deep hopelessness and loneliness.
Most recently, it was losing two jobs and not being able to find anyone who believed in my abilities.
Writing about the failures in my life makes me feel that they should be over, and that I should have grown past them. But I haven’t.
The reason I spend so much time in a perceptible depression is actually me holding on to the experiences to analyze them, and make sure they never happen again. I want to be beyond that failed relationship, that failed job, and that failed situation. I have had to take a lot of breaks from being employed just to deal with my emotions; even I can see it’s not very constructive.
Perhaps I’m too thoughtful for my own good. I’m smart, capable, sufficient, and strong; but I have felt completely debilitated when overly focused on my disappointments.
It has gotten to the point where it’s overwhelming me."
So how does Devon move through these inner feelings? She connects with a new understanding of her struggles that will hopefully inspire you on your path, too.